"Okay," I said as I leaned down to kiss him. He smiled at me, the huge, excited smile of a child who woke up from his nap to find himself in Disneyland. I brushed his hair out of his eyes and said, "I want to do whatever will make you happy." "Tell me what you want to do."Īll I had to do was tell him the truth. He put his hand against my cheek and looked into my eyes. His expression was so full of hope, I thought it was a good thing I hadn't tried to say no. I could hardly keep from laughing that I'd finally managed to turn the tables on him with his own backward form of communication. "Do you think I'd make it up just to tease you?" "Would I lie to you about something like this?" He grabbed my shirt and pushed me back against the countertop, almost as if he was going to kiss me, but stopped short, looking into my eyes. I could see it bubbling up in him, but he was trying t stay calm and not get his hopes up. His dark eyes were huge, and I could see so much in them.
The only response was stunned silence, and I finally turned to smile at him. "Okay,I'll tell Matt and Jared that they can go to Paris without us." That’s all I need.Īnd that is why I now understand addiction.” And he will smile at me when he comes through the door, and I will pretend like this fragile, dangerous thing we have created between us can last forever. He’ll be home soon, and I have dinner on the stove, and wine chilling in the fridge. What about today, you ask? Today it’s already too late. Tomorrow I will quit lying to myself, and to him. Tomorrow I will stop delaying the inevitable. Is it not wiser to end it now, Sweets, before it gets to that point? Is it not better to accept that this happiness I have is destined to self-destruct? But if I do what I have to do, what my very nature compels me to do, and move on, the end is no better. Before long, I will be intolerable, and eventually, he’ll leave me. I’m becoming bitter and terribly resentful. It’s happening already, and I cannot stop it. If I stay here with him, I will become restless and angry. There’s no happy ending waiting for me like there was for you and Matt. I’ve been down this road before-you know I have-and there’s only heartache at the end. I need to get away from Phoenix-away from him-before this goes even one step further.Īnd then he touches me again, and my convictions disappear like smoke in the wind. It doesn’t matter where I go, as long as it’s not here. Every night, as I’m falling asleep in his bed, I tell myself that tomorrow I’ll book a flight to Paris, or Hawaii, or maybe New York. But as so often happens with me, my arrogance kept me from seeing the truth of the matter.Įvery day, I tell myself it will be the last. How could a man (or a woman) do something so self-destructive, knowing that they’re hurting not only themselves, but the people they love? It seemed that it would be so incredibly easy for them to just not take that next drink.
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